I think I'm fundamentally a "fatalistic" person, in the most positive sense of the word.  I really do believe that there is a greater picture and a divine design to all of our lives which is much bigger than us -- and largely unknowable. Moreover, (at least for me) I find that the absolute perfection (and direction) of the path is usually not clear, especially while you're on it.  You just have to tread on and trust that good or bad there is purpose that is probably beyond your comprehension.  And then every once in a while there are those moments in your life where you get to a "lookout point" and can stop and check behind you to see the absolute perfection in retrospect. 

I was privileged to have one of those moments last weekend when I found myself standing in front of my friend, Michaela (and her love, Craig) reading a poem at their wedding.  It was a powerful moment where I had a mental montage fire off in my head about how we met and I how I came to be standing in a field in Texas sharing this special day with her.

Nearly seven years ago, just 3-months after my son was born, I decided I needed to have some help with him so that I could do some part-time work training clients in my home gym.  I was relatively new to the town and wasn't sure how to find someone.  So I went to the local college and posted two signs on two different bulletin boards.  I think it said something about loving kids, being comfortable with babies and being available at such and such times and days.  About 2 days later I got a phone call from a girl named Michaela and I invited her over to meet me and Logan.  She was 19, very tall (6' 1") and slender, with a really sweet smile and the kindest, most gentle eyes.  She was majoring in early childhood education, planning on being a teacher.  She told me that she had a lot of babysitting experience, but no real experience with newborns.  And then I did the litmus test and handed him to her and she held him and his wobbly baby head with the same careful awkwardness I had held him with myself a few months before.   Something told me that this was the right person.  So Miki started taking care of Logan 3 days a week.  (P.S. Good thing this worked out, because nobody else ever responded to the ad)

Before long 3 days per week became 5 days per week and Miki became an integral part of our lives.  During those crazy, sleep-deprived days of early motherhood, Miki was my calvary and my lifeline.  Many mornings I would have been up with Logan most of the night counting the minutes until she arrived...and when she walked through the door, bleary-eyed, I would hand him to her with hardly a word and crawl back to bed, so grateful that someone I completely trusted was there to take care of my son. 

We shared many milestones in my son's life (sitting up, eating Cheerios, first words, first steps, first temper tantrum, potty training) and mine (first person to hear about my positive pregnancy test which I'd taken only seconds before she walked in the door - I just showed her the stick and we both started jumping up and down screaming, then...sadly...the first phone call telling her I was having a miscarriage could she stay with Logan because I had some medical craziness to deal with...on and on).  We celebrated many major holidays and life events together.  Miki was (and is) a part of our family.

Michaela is one of the most thoughtful people I've ever known.  She's forever anticipating needs and doing special things to make people smile.  Once I came home to find the house filled with flowers and balloons.  It was my birthday, I'd been away for a few days and she'd come over on her day off to decorate the house so I would find it like that when I walked through the door.  That's Miki in a nutshell.

Its interesting, because we have a 17 year age difference.  So biologically, I'm old enough to be her mom, but mentally we are both so much on the same wavelength that I think of her as a peer  -- except I am way more protective of her than I would be with my other friends.  A distinction which became clearer when she would ask me my opinion on something, and I would answer as a "mom" rather than a "friend".  Should she get a tattoo?  (No!!  You could get Hepatitis!), Should she pierce her bellybutton (No!!  You could get Hepatitis!) (she did both incidentally and then didn't tell me, because I think she thought I would disapprove...I saw them accidentally a week or two after the fact when she bent over and her belly was visible, showing both.  And I just smiled reminded myself that I'm not her mom and she's going to make her own choices in life...plus I actually think both are kinda cute and really suit her) 

After 3 years of taking care of Logan it was time for Miki to graduate college and get a job in the "real world".  Even after she started her "real" job she would have dinner with us once a week and was often here for the holidays if she didn't go home to her parents.  Then about 2 years ago she decided to move to Austin and now we email occasionally and I see her when she comes to town about 3-4 times per year.   Distance has changed the nature of our relationship, but not the bond.

A fact that became obvious as I stood there reading a poem at her wedding, with my son, now almost seven serving as her ring bearer (and the only child in the wedding party).  There with her nearest and dearest I was reminded of the importance that I have in her life -- and she in mine.

 I couldn't look at her while I was reading.  She looked so beautiful and so happy and I knew that if I looked at her long enough my voice would get all tight and croaky and I'd just lose it.   

So for days now I've been on a high from that day, thinking about how new people come seemingly out of nowhere into your life to make it richer and more beautiful.  How day by day, thread by thread (usually without your concious awareness of the process) these wonderful webs of friendships are woven into our lives.  Then seemingly in an instant, you step back and see intricate and magnificent pattern that was being created all along while you were just living your life.

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