Okay, it might seem like a long way off topic here, but believe me there is a connection.  Also therapeutically, I need to blog about this because its so bizarre.

About 4 months ago, I caved into continual pressure from the male majority in my home and agreed to the adoption of two baby bearded dragons, whom we named Itchy and Scratchy. 

This pet adoption proceeded just like most in my life (a journey which has included turtles, dogs (giant royal standard poodles and boxers), cats (flame and seal point Himalayans and "domestics") hamsters and iguanas.  The pattern goes like this...

Step 1) I say that I don't want them (not because I don't like animals but because I love animals. I know I'll get attached start worrying about them like they're my children and I don't want the additional responsibility).

Step 2) I cave in (or collapse under the pressure) -- sometimes this step is almost immediate.

Step 3) The animal arrives and I try to remain cool and detached.  (I dare you to try that when I poodle puppy with a seriously oversized head is licking your face and wagging its tail)

Step 4) I get emotionally attached to them despite myself.

Step 5) I find myself ass-deep in the care and feeding of them, having to do some really disgusting things on a daily basis -- wondering how I got here.

So about 4 months ago my husband and son brought home two of the littlest most fragile looking creatures you can imagine, only about 3 inches long looking a bit like Kermit The Frog. 

I took one look at them and was convinced we were going to kill them inadvertently and immediately  jumped ahead to Step 4.   Next up...Step 5.

So by now I'm sure you're dying to know what exactly a bearded dragon (aka "beardie) eats....so I'll tell you.  They eat assorted fruits, leafy greens, live crickets dusted with vitamin and calcium powder and the occasional wax worm....mmmm....tasty.  Here is a typical day taking care of a beardie...

Step 1) You get up and go into the room and turn off the heat lamp over their terrarium and turn on the UVA/UVB and basking lamps (beardies are diurnal -- which I learned is the opposite of nocturnal).  Beardies are from desert climes in Australia and they are cold-blooded so the environment has to be between 80-100 degrees F.

Step 2) You remove any "animal waste" from the tank, because they can get parasites and salmonella if they come in contact with it.

Step 3) You give them about an hour to "warm-up" with the basking lamp, because otherwise you can mess up their digestive functions.

Step 4) You go downstairs to your laundry room where you stick your hands in a giant box full of live crickets and pull out about 30 or so.   Cut up egg cartons and used paper towel tubes are useful in this process.  You dump the crickets into a ziplock bag filled with vitamin and/or calcium powder and do a shake and bake with the live crickets...then you bring them upstairs and dump them in the lizard tank to the delight of lizards. 

It should be noted here, that by default you now are involved in the business of cricket farming to provide an on-going food supply. 

• So you must: order the crickets on-line...(or you can go to the pet store, but its more expensive about 2 cents a piece vs. 10)...
• You have to get the right-sized crickets (baby beardies eat baby crickets, because eating anything bigger than the size of their heads is unsafe --- which is probably good advice for the rest of us, as well). 
• And you have to feed the crickets....so what do crickets eat....well, I'm glad you asked...they eat pretty much anything, but if you want your beardies to be healthy you have to "gut load" the crickets with vitamins and calcium (I couldn't make this up if I tried), so you have to feed them special cricket food. 
• And because crickets drown easily (who knew?) you can't put water in their box, so you have to use "cricket quencher" which looks like lemon jello...to keep them hydrated

Step 5) (At this point I hope you have a new-found appreciation for your cat or dog)  You have to prepare their daily salad (we bought a special chopper, because the food has to be chopped very fine when they are babies).  Now, not just any bag of field greens will do...there is a list of their preferred foods (I keep it posted on the refrigerator).  Acceptable choices include: collard greens, mustard greens, turnip greens, dandelion greens and escarole...you shouldn't feed them eggplant, avocados, iceberg lettuce, mushrooms, rhubarb or spinach (different reasons for each -- I'll spare you the details...).  Plus you want to vary the additional ingredients you add daily, such as apples, strawberries, carrots, mangoes, etc.

Ideally, these greens, fruits and veggies should all be organic because their little bodies shouldn't be exposed to chemicals.

Step 6) You have to bath them regularly (i.e. once a week) to help get their shedding skin off.  Turns of that they are actually pretty graceful swimmers for desert dwellers.

Step 7) You have to keep their environment clean (there is a special non-toxic, enzymatic cleanser used for this process) and have a ready supply of special reptile sand or ground walnut shells for the bottom so they can nest and dig. 

Step 8)  You have to make sure that they are hydrated.  However, because they usually won't drink out of a water bowl you have to give them water by dropping it on their heads.  This simulates the way that rain water or dew drops off of leaves in nature.  The beardie drinks it as it drips off its head.  I use an oral syringe. 

Step 9) At night you shut off the day lights and put on the night lights.  We use a heat lamp at night, because the other option is a red or blue colored bulb (or a heating pad underneath).  We bagged the colored lamps because neither lizard could sleep when this light was on and they were up all night (and they need their rest to stay healthy).

Are you exhausted reading this, yet?  Taking care of my infant son was easier...no crickets, no heat lamps, no messy shedding skin.

Oh, and as an interesting side note...you have to be careful not to put too many crickets in, because the crickets are nocturnal and (as I said) the lizards are diurnal...so the crickets will annoy and stress out the lizards if left in at night. 

More disturbingly, apparently the crickets could actually "harm" them...I'm not sure of the specifics of how , but I'll take the experts word for it.  So as a preventative measure last night I found myself pulling about 30 live crickets out of the cage with my bare hands, because they were crawling on the lizards and I was worried about what they might do (like I said, I couldn't make this up if I tried).

So I'm really good now at catching live crickets.  Having the cricket cage leak and about half of them get loose and start running around all over your basement is good training in catching them (true story) -- so just give me a jingle if you ever need any help cricket wrangling.

The point of this rant, besides the very real need to rant....is that all of these things are critical components to the care and feeding of bearded dragons...things that people do to insure that their pets stay healthy, strong and disease-free. 

Compare and contrast that with how most of us take care of our own bodies. 

You have some time to think when you are chasing 50 baby crickets around your basement ...so I recently asked myself this question.  I had to wonder what kind of shape I would be in (and I am very healthy compared to the average person, believe me) if I was as focused on the ultimate impact every move that I made had on keeping me healthy.

How many of us look at every (or even most) of the things we do in terms of its ultimate effect on our health and longevity?  Do you think of every meal that you eat in term of if you're getting enough nutrients?  Or if it's balanced in relation to what you ate the day before...."hmmm I had the mustard greens yesterday, so I should really eat some collards today...."  Do you worry about whether or not your well-hydrated, had enough sleep or are eating too many additives?  How focused are you about possible toxins in your environment?

I had to admit, health-conscious as I think I am....if I was as focused on my own health (as I am on the beardies) I think that I'd be: eating more leafy greens, drinking more water, drinking less coffee, having fewer additives and chemicals (goodbye Splenda), buying more organic foods, eating less sugar and getting more sleep. 

And the good news is that all this care really seems to be helping the lizards thrive.  Scratchy (aka Scratch Master S) is now unrecognizably enormous. No fears about accidentally killing him, he's a bruiser about a foot long from nose to tail.  And Itchy is still a bit of a pip squeak although she's grown a lot and seems very healthy. 

So inadvertently I've learned a tremendous amount the direct impact of daily choices on long-term wellness from my reptilian friends....although I draw the line, at eating wax worms or "gut-loaded" crickets.

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